the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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