Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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