U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
