I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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