he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
