dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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