Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
