I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
