you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize