Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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