so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
