Already got asked if we're dating
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
