dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
