I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
