pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
