Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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