you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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