i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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