Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I DEMAND FORESKIN
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
