no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
