Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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