THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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