You're so nebulous sometimes
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
