soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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