I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
