she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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