I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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