You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
