I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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