Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
