I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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