its not stalking. its research.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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