Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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