you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
