Someone shattered a urinal.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
