i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Pooping to opera.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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