Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
