Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
