Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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