Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
