listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
