Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
