I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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