there's paper in my vomit.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
