3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
