If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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