So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
