well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
