dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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