it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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