Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
