New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
