I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
